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CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL FIC DAY 5!!!!
Title: Anywhere But Here
Characters: Ibiki, Anko, and Iruka
Theme: Anywhere but here
Summary: Ibiki gets assigned to the academy
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto and I’m certainly not being paid to write this, it’s for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others.
Dedicated to: kakairupowns LJ
A/N: Also written using the 100 themes - Misfortune theme

-

Shinobi liked Christmas, but somehow, despite repeated attempts by the Hokage to explain to them that affection was really not best displayed with random acts of insanity and pranks, all shinobi seemed to collectively think that it was. More over, when pre-genin saw their parents doing things like tying each other up in garlands or Christmas lights it was hard if not impossible for anyone to convince them otherwise.

Ibiki had fully expected to have to deal with more than a few cases of Christmas spirit gone awry from the minute that he’d been assigned to assist the teachers at the academy for the holiday season. There was simply no getting away from the possibility and no getting out of the assignment. Nobody wanted to deal with it, and so any genin not on a mission tended to get stuck with it. Because his sensei was a T&I specialist, Ibiki wasn’t out on missions as often as some of his graduating class. He also suspected his sensei had a bit of an evil streak and thought it was funny to watch his team have to deal with the kids. It wouldn’t have surprised him to catch the man watching them with that stupid smirk on his face.

Suzume got the easy job of dealing with the youngest shinobi class. They were still in that stage of idealizing even the genin and often followed them around like hopeful puppies.

Tonbo got assigned to the class with the teacher capable of dealing with him and her class.

Ibiki wasn’t entirely sure that his teammate should have ever graduated, let alone that he would be of much help to the teacher.

Those two factors directly affected his own assignment. He got stuck with the trouble makers. Daichi-sensei had fed him some line of crap about how he was the most intimidating and therefore the best equipped to deal with them. He’d also insisted that it would be good for Ibiki to learn a little patience.

Ibiki didn’t agree on the latter, and the former, while possibly true, had nothing at all to do with him being assigned and he knew it. Worse, he knew Daichi-sensei knew it. His sensei was just an ass who liked to find new and unusual ways to torture him. He would have rather had a mission anywhere else. Even cleaning the trash from one of the marshes or trimming the vines in the forbidden forest would have been better.

It wasn’t bad until Kimura-sensei left him in charge of weapons practice while she escaped to ‘grade papers’ and likely regain some of her sanity by getting as far away from her class as possible.

Ibiki had never claimed to be good with kids. Being a ‘kid’ himself did not in any way, shape, or form change that. He’d always been the type who’d gotten along better with adults, and the closest he came to getting along with his peers was not strangling his teammates.

After the third ‘stray’ kunai, the second attempt by Iruka to show up Kotetsu and Izumo by racing them up the wall, and no less than five escape attempts by Anko, Iwashi, and the kid who’s name he couldn’t remember, Ibiki was more than ready to tie them all up and be done with it. The noise level alone was enough to drive a sane man to murder.

Irritated, Ibiki drew in a deep breath and then let it out in one loud bellow. “Quiet!”

Twenty-four bright-eyed pre-genin turned to look at him.

He glowered.

They blinked up at him, all false innocence and charm.

He growled and pointed to the floor in front of him. “If you talk out of turn, I will put a silencing jutsu on you and leave it on you. If you look at me wrong, I will blindfold your ass and let your classmates use YOU as a moving target. If you move without my express permission, I will introduce you to techniques my sensei uses as the head of T&I. And if you do anything I don’t like I will make sure your shinobi record, should you even graduate, doesn’t allow for you to get anything above the shittiest of D-ranks. I will make your life a living hell forever.”

Twenty-four little mouths fell open, and twenty-four pairs of eyes went wide.

He was feeling quite proud of himself until those twenty-four students all looked up, and he realized he had twenty-six students in the class. Two were missing. More specifically, he realised that the two missing were Anko and Iruka. Ibiki sighed, closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked up.

Even with his shinobi reflexes he didn’t have time to move. One second the giant wobbly blue blob was falling towards him, and the next bright blue paint splashed over him.

Anko and Iruka simultaneously burst into laughter, followed quickly by the rest of the class.

Ibiki wiped the paint from his eyes and glared up at them. “Get. Down. Here. Now.”

Iruka bolted for the wall.

Still laughing her ass off, Anko moved to follow, and then her chakra faltered and her hold on the ceiling with it. She plummeted towards the ground.

Ibiki didn’t think; he just moved. He transported to the climbing rope between her and Iruka. One hand closed around the rope and the other around her wrist.

She blinked up at it, shock written on her face.

The class, especially Iruka, cheered.

Ibiki hauled her up and sighed. “I’m so tying you up next time.”

Red stained her cheeks, and she grinned at him. “Promise?”

Rolling his eyes, Ibiki sighed. She was obviously going to be a pain in his ass, and once his sensei got wind of the incident, it was unlikely he’d be able to get a mission anywhere else before the new year.
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